This is about how I feel right now. Frustrated. If I could draw a little dialogue bubble it would read, “What are you trying to do to me here?”
It’s too lengthy to put it all into words, and frankly, as I’ve stated earlier, it does neither one of us any good for me to sit here and complain (that’s what mom and dad are for!) but to be honest, I’m teetering dangerously close to the edge. I think it’s time for everyone to take a wee bit of a break from each other. The job is taking it’s toll on me and I’m ready for some away time. It’s not that the work is difficult–obviously, I sit around playing games and going on walks every morning– it’s actually the exact opposite. It’s how incredibly mind-numbing it all is. A common sentiment among the elders of the au pair group is, “I earned a college degree and now I’m doing this?!” I know, I know, play your little violin for me. I realize I signed up for this. But, that doesn’t negate the fact that I feel I’ve taken a major step down as someone’s live-in servant.
The au pair who worked for my family last year put it best when we talked on the phone last summer during my interview process. I asked her what the most difficult aspect of the job was and I feel she put it best when she said, “You work in a tiny shop, you live in the tiny shop, and the shop is always open.” Living with your employers is a mighty difficult task. If having a bad day isn’t enough, there’s no genuine reprieve from the situation as you have to sleep there and wake up with them the next morning. You can’t escape it. As I was Skyping with my mom this afternoon she could hear Little Bean screeching in the background. She pulled a face and stopped mid-sentence. “What is it?” I said. “That sound. What is that? One of the kids?” “Oh yeah, that’s just Little Bean. It’s her new favorite sound.” This is a scream that registers so high it’s one notch away from being a sound only dogs can hear. There’s a battle between wanting to be a part of the family and not seem like a recluse, and wanting to have my personal space and own life here. Unfortunately these don’t always seem to gel.
So, yes, things are a little rough right now. I’m not currently singing up in the hills à la the von Trapp family. I have no doubt, however, that I will get over this funk and find my way back to sanity. Especially as I am only 10 days away from seeing mom, dad, Matt, and Courtney!! We will be exploring Ireland and Scotland over 9 days and I could not be more eager to see them.
Thank you for letting me get that out, I promise to not make these rants routine.